Thursday, November 2, 2017

Marathon #46: Cape Cod Marathon, October, 2017

40th Anniversary!

The Cape Cod marathon has been on my list for years. Although its been rumored to be an extremely hilly course, its also stunning, with occasional shoreline stretches, one of which goes past the scenic Nobska lighthouse, inland scenery of farmlands and cranberry bogs along roads tree lined with colorful fall foliage. I've always wanted to travel to Cape Cod and Martha's Vineyard, and conveniently this marathon runs in the southernmost area of the Cape, Falmouth, the closest area to the ferries to Martha's Vineyard.

Our rather large group has traveled to various northeastern locations each fall, and this year we decided the Cape Cod marathon was to be our destination race. We had 16 people signed up for this trip! I managed to find a 3 story 9 bedroom, 6 bathroom house within walking distance to the race's start/finish and all the shops and restaurants along Main street of Falmouth. It was PERFECT for our group.

Originally built in late 1700's!

Up until now I was a big advocate for driving the marathon course prior to race day. Six of us out of the nine marathoners headed out to check out the course and returned to the house shell shocked. We knew the course was hilly, but we didn't know how big the hills really were. Mark had been sending us various elevation charts, one of which was the Tuesday morning hill run of 6 miles repeated 4 times. It was this chart that most closely resembled Cape Cod's elevation chart, which, as we found out, was pretty much spot on. I thought it best not to carry on to the other three marathoners about how hard it was going to be, but I couldn't hide my look of fear and sometimes dread on my face. To make matters worse, the lovely Nobska lighthouse was under renovation, hence completely covered up in plastic wrapping. Combined with the unseasonably warm and humid day it was going to be ugly, and I know ugly. I've done ugly.

The course would require some sort of survival strategy. #1, and emphasized to all, was the need to run the first 10 miles relatively flat miles EASY, saving as much as you could for the remaining 16 miles. #2 was to carry a water bottle, since the water stops were too few and too far apart, especially for the weather conditions. The hills would kick in around mile 10, and then grow steeper and longer when we entered the Sippewissett area, which we lovingly referred to as the "Shippishits". Our mantra was to survive the Shippishits. We would leave the wooden inland of hills to run along the coast a few times, grateful for the break from the hills, only to be pelted by 20-30 mph cross winds. The only saving grace was the final mile, which turned off the beach and headed back into downtown Falmouth with the wind at your back.

Of our group, 3 had ran the half marathon the day before, and again on a relay team with 4 others. (3 of them walked together for the first leg of the relay), so on marathon day we all had skin the game, which was great! Everyone was up and about that morning running around the house getting ready.

Half marathon finishers: Susan, Art, and Jedonna

The entire group ready to run on Sunday

We quickly lost each other at the start and with a loud cannon we were off! It didn't take long for the core of us who train together find each other and settle in. (Toby was gone right away of course). I was really really happy to see us all adhering to our survival strategy and staying pretty conservative during the first 10 miles. We sort of paired up and went back and forth, switching out pairs here and there. I started off with Kathy, then later Jean, who picked it up around mile 14 to join Kelly, ahead. I last spotted the two of them on a hill around mile 18, and that was the last I saw of anyone in the core group. My "strategy" was to get to mile 20 without resorting to walking (minus the stops to fill my bottle), and then take it from there. Once I got to 20 I walked a hill, and tried not to walk any more hills, but found myself doing it from time to time. I saw George at the last relay exchange, cheering and screaming so loudly people were laughing, which was welcome, and then again as he ran past. I didn't mind the relay runners as they ran past, mostly because it was a pretty rural and remote course.  Still, I enjoyed the quietness of it and never turned my music on.

I tried to take moments to look around and enjoy the scenery, but I have to say it's really hard when you're hurting! I laughed when I got to the golf course because I remembered our conversation in the car when we drove by the day prior. At that point we had seen so many hills we started making jokes about it all. We commented how here we would wish for someone to run us over with a golf cart or hit us in the head with a golf ball.  Well, no such "luck". Since I was drinking so much I got "burpy" and felt like I was going to get sick a few times, which lead to even more walk breaks. When we came out to the beach and the wind blast I noticed there were painted rocks placed along the sea wall! I was SO EXCITED to see these rocks, because they told us they'd be on the course and I had failed to see any until now. I took way too much time trying to pick out a small yet pretty rock, and then again on the second beach portion I swapped out that rock for a prettier one. Some people in our group never saw the rocks, which I found funny because at that point they were all over the place! Just another example of how hard those last miles really were...

Although physically my legs were getting less and less cooperative with running, mentally I was holding up ok and trying to just go with it and "enjoy" it as much as I could. I really wanted one of the others to come up from behind me to run with, but that didn't happen, even though it turns out we were all pretty close to each other in the end. Even when I turned on the last mile I had to walk a little. My legs were just DONE. Nearing the finish and hearing our group cheering for me was one of my favorite memories ever, even though I felt very wobbly and unsure of my footing.

An unsteady finish

Afterwards I was so dizzy I had to lie down for awhile, unable to make it to the beer tent, but my lovely husband brought the beer to me! That's true love! A few of us were in the same predicament at the finish, lying on the ground, but we all survived!!

Oh the carnage!

All together again at the finish!

My treasure

Later at the house, we celebrated and celebrated, first at the fire pit outside, and then later indoors with singing and dancing into the night until one by one we cried "uncle". As we slept hurricane force winds descended upon Falmouth, taking down trees, power lines, fences, etc. Had that happened just 24 hours earlier the race would NOT have happened!



Here is how our group fared:
(Note: PW = personal worst, or your slowest time recorded)

Toby : 3:17, 2nd place in age group, won $100! Freak!
Mark: 4:03
Kelly: 4:09
The Island of Misfit Runners: 4:09 (quite impressive)
Jean: 4:10
Laura Harvey: 4:13
Me: 4:24 (not quite a PW, but close)
Kathy 4:29
Laura SP: 4:30 (a PW! Congrats!)
Mike 4:31

In summary, this was, terrain-wise, the hardest marathon I've ever ran. We did train for hills, which helped! I'm just not sure what else one could do to prepare for this one, other than lower your expectations! Our group had a BLAST, even though we failed to make it to Martha's Vineyard, due to the high winds. Memories that I will cherish forever...

Always fun to do the day after a marathon...

Monday, August 7, 2017

The Van 2 Entity


My Van 2 teammates

We were driving to the hotel at Gold's beach to check in. A few hours prior we had crossed the finish line of the Wild Rogue Relay in Brookings Oregon, reunited with the other half of our team and the significant others that had flown in to join us, drank a few beers, ate some pizza, and shared stories of our 33 hour odyssey we had just experienced.

When I say "we" I am talking about "Van 2". We were an entity, Van 2, for we had been together for the entire 33 hours. Sure we saw our teammates (van 1) at the van exchanges when we handed off to each other to run, but for the most part it was just the 6 of us. It dawned on us that this drive to the hotel would be our last, for once we got there we would all go our separate ways with our significant others or other teammates and "van 2" would cease to exist, and to be honest it made us a bit sad. Laura, ever being the psychologist, asked us two questions; first, what was your favorite run and why (we each had ran 3 times for those that don't know how these things go), and second, what was your favorite van experience and why.

Choosing my favorite run would have seemed easy, since clearly my last run along the beach was nothing short of spectacular, especially since Laura chose to run it with me, but choosing this run over the other two runs as my favorite would totally overshadow the fact that I had broken my foot just 9 weeks prior and was lucky to be running at all! Prior to the relay I had put on a pretty good game face about the status of my foot, but the truth is I was quite nervous about being able to run all 3 of my legs. Up until the week before the relay I was pretty sure I'd have to have someone run my 2nd leg and I'd somehow hobble through the last one, but then the pain level dropped off significantly and I was miraculously able to run all of my legs with very little to no pain! I can't tell you how grateful I felt to run each one of those legs, even the creepy dark one!

What's funny is we all chose the same favorite van experience. We all decided our favorite moment was when we got kicked out of the campground. In our defense the relay handbook pointed out all the campgrounds that were along the relay route as we were making our way to the next van exchange to look for a place to crash. We had been running from about midnight until 6:00 am or so, so we pulled into one of the campground areas, drug out our sleeping bags, set our alarms for 10:00 AM and fell fast asleep. I had ear plugs in and an eye mask on because the sun was already well into the sky by then. About 2 hours into this dead-person sleep I hear this man roaring out to us from above, telling us that this was a public day camp facility for day use only and we were to pack up our stuff and leave immediately. I pulled up my eye mask, completely dazed, and said, "isn't this day time?" While he's still barking at us George realizes what's going on and quickly deescalates the situation. It's only then that I look around and realize there's a family camping about 200 yards away and we have pretty much invaded their picnic table area. So as we gathered up our stuff we started laughing at what I said, and then started saying things like "hey it's day and we used".  "I don't understand the problem sir, it's daytime", laughs laughs and more laughs, as we decided to drive down the road, pull over and get organized. We pulled into a scenic spot near a river, packed up our stuff, dumped the water out of the cooler, gathered up all the trash out of our van, brushed our teeth, washed our faces, and talked about going and getting coffee, ice,  and water somewhere down the road. At one point Doug said, "Hey I feel pretty good", and we all agreed. And this was after 2 hours of sleep! It's hard to explain how or why we were all like that, but that's how it went. We got our coffee and headed to the van exchange to meet up with the team and eventually run our last set of legs. Team energy is a very real thing!

Still funny


Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Marathon #32: First Light Marathon, Mobile Alabama, January 2012


This marathon was on my list because it benefited the local L'Arche Mobile, which offers community services for special needs people in Mobile, and because the course itself had good reviews on marathonguide.com. With a large, mostly looped course, it would provide a great tour of Mobile, starting off along streets lined with historic southern colonial homes with spanish moss hanging from the tree branches, then passing through the Univeristy of Southern Alabama campus and neighboring Azalea city golf course, and finally back into the downtown area to the finish in Bienville Square.

I am relaying on memory, because I never did a write up after running this one, so I don't have many details, but Toby, who was injured, followed Jamie and I along the course, so I do have a lot of photos to share. In summary we loved this marathon, although it was pretty hilly and on race day it was a bit warm and extremely humid, so it did have its challenges.

Our typical pre-race eeeeee!!
Command central, complete with mango Gatorade for us!
Early on the route



Jamie on the hills

Downhill aerial shot!

A very happy finish!


A classic, one of my favorite pics!

I did have an epiphany of sorts in this marathon that has carried me forward, and it has to do with aging and letting go of that rope...Right from the start I was trying to hold a 9:00 pace and it was a struggle. I felt myself getting angry about it and stubbornly pushing through it mile after mile until around mile 8 it hit me. If  I don't let it go, somewhere down the road things will get really ugly and I'll have a miserable experience. If I do let it go and accept whatever the clock says then I will enjoy the run as much as one can enjoy the marathon distance, through to the end. So I did it. I let go of the rope. From that moment the anger lifted and later in the race I had enough energy to power up some pretty big hills and I never resorted to walking any of the course, even though I was really feeling the effects of the weather and the hills near the end. At the finish line a special needs person from the L'Arche community put a handmade medal on my neck!

The handmade medals, priceless
















Jamie loved this marathon too! She ran a 3:58 and I ran a 4:07. We both placed on our age groups, so our awards were canvas paintings from members of L'Arche Mobile!


I highly recommend this marathon, and would gladly go back to run the half if others want to go check it out!

Kudos to Toby, who knows how to take care of us!

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Marathon #29: California International Marathon (Sacramento), December 2010


This marathon boasts, "The Fastest Course in the West" on their elevation map, which depicts a primarily downhill course, but the scale can be deceiving, because the total elevation loss is a mere 340 feet. That's not a screaming downhill course, as one would assume by looking at their chart. It can be a good PR course choice, but the trick is to run conservatively in the first half, where there is a lot more rolling terrain, and take advantage of the downhill on the second half, where the terrain is less rolling. Maybe this is why it seems like there's a love it or hate it feeling among runners I know who've ran it? As for me, I loved it, and it's still one of my favorite marathon experiences, but for many reasons, some of which are very subjective. I have to rely on my memory here, because apparently I never did a write up on this one, probably because it was one of those marathons where everything went right. Obviously those kind of marathons are rare, and as great as they are they don't leave me much to write about. Anyhow, here goes...

This marathon was on my list not because it's fast but because this area is one of my top considerations for retirement. It's a point to point course, starting out near Folsom Lake and finishing in downtown Sacramento just outside the state capitol. Along the way it runs through several small residences such as Citrus Heights and Fair Oaks, with farms in between. There are the occasional eucalyptus or pine trees, both of which I miss so much here in Texas.

Jamie liked my idea of heading to the Napa and Sonoma Wine Valleys after the marathon, as it's only about 45 minutes away. We would run the marathon and our guys would fly in that night and we'd hit the road the next morning.

We had near perfect race weather, 50's, no rain, although a little steamy (wet) at the start. Jamie and I separated right away and I didn't see her again until around mile 15. She was not enjoying the course as much as I was. We ran together for the awhile and we passed a band playing Ventures music. It's pre-Beach Boys surfer music and it ROCKS. Anyhow, that really got me all fired up, and I think it helped Jamie for awhile, but I lost her around mile 20 at a water stop. I found myself holding a decent pace on the last 10K. I could really feel the aid of the downhill all the way into downtown. The crowds grew along the streets as we came into Sacramento, and as we rounded the corner the capitol was in sight as we crossed the finish line. It was a great finish!

At this time I had already started slowing down in marathons, and hadn't broken 4 hours in the last 4, but was happy to run a 3:53 that day, so yes, in my opinion it was a fast course.
Jamie was not a happy camper and I think she would disagree with me about the fastness of the course, so there you go. At any rate, we had a blast afterwards!



Wine touring was sometimes painful!


Friday, April 21, 2017

The Life of the Injured Runner


I read what I considered a pretty useless article on how to deal with being injured, but then again maybe it's just me. It didn't resonate with me that being injured involves stages of grief similar to the loss of a loved one. Seriously? Yeah, sure there's a bit of denial and anger, eventually followed by acceptance, but come on. Nobody died!

But then again I've had my share of injuries over the course of 25 years of running, so my perspective may differ from most. Races have come and gone and the world didn't stop turning, in fact, when I look back on past injuries and what followed I have found that everything seemed to work out for the better. Or at least what happened was that I had experiences that differed from what should have or could have happened. Some examples: I was injured in 2010, resulting in a DNS at Boston, when Toby ran it on his birthday. That year David and I rode the train out to Natick and saw our significant others on the course, which was pretty special, and when I deferred to 2011 I had a great experience with Laura and her sister, which would not have happened had I ran the race in 2010. My Kansas City marathon DNS in 2013 worked out for the best because I was key in the navigating of the course that day; trust me when I say Zelda got to see Mark finish because of me. Plus, had I ran Kansas City in 2013 I wouldn't have had the great experience I had running it last year with Ginna and LSP.

Boston 2017, yes, a few days ago, didn't happen for me because of a hamstring pull. Some people think I missed the race because I broke my foot a week before the marathon. I did, in fact, break my foot a week before the race, but I had already lost about a month of training for Boston, so I wasn't going to run it anyhow. After picking up my Boston friends at the airport and hearing their horrific marathon stories (it was ridiculously hot and miserable), I can honestly say I am at peace with my hamstring pull. ;)
As for the broken foot, I'm still working on that...

So what kind of advice would I have to give? The first thing is you have to get over yourself and put the fact that you are injured in perspective. For me, that involves what I call having a "pity party" where I allow myself to wallow in it for a bit, but then that's it. Time to move forward. If you've been training for a marathon, which is usually the case, I can assure you there are "things" you've neglected, such a loved ones, flower beds, your home, errands, lunch with friends who don't run, etc...

People who get injured tend to google their injury, primarily looking for a "recovery time", in the hopes of finding the shortest possible time posted. If someone says they were back to running from a compound fracture in a week they will hang their hat on that one week possibility. A 6-8 week recovery means 6-8 week recovery, not 4, not 5. Stop googling. Live with your injury day to day. Every day you play the game, "Better, Same or Worse".  You may be trying to come back too soon. So how did it feel today- better, same or worse? It doesn't matter what the calendar says. The INJURY DICTATES WHEN IT WILL GET BETTER.

Every day I ask myself what can I do, cardio wise, and if the answer is nothing, then I ask myself what can I do, period? During the first week of my foot fracture my goals involved taking a shower or putting my boot on to walk around the house and yard. My second week involved getting out and running errands or meeting friends for lunch or cleaning or picking my friends up at the airport. ;)

Non-running cardio is a good time to try new things or get back to things you used to do. With my hamstring injury I went to what I called, "gym-rat status", doing the stair master, elliptical and weight lifting. I'd like to get back on my bike this time around.

Yes I miss my running friends and my running life. It's a great life and I want to get back to it as soon as possible. I never forget my first runs when I come back from injury. They are some of the best runs of your life because no matter how slow or winded or sore you are you are just so grateful to be running again that nothing else matters. And this to me, is key. I feel so grateful already. At 56 I have won the lottery with regards to running experiences already! Maybe I didn't have this gratitude when I was younger, and that's understandable.

I don't know what advice would have resonated with me 20 some odd years ago, but I do remember one thing that Dale Smith (PT) once said to me when I was dealing with a really long term pelvic fracture. He simply said, "Bones heal". That fact helped me then and is helping me now. Ok so this doesn't help so much if you're dealing with a muscle or tendon injury, but they heal too! Maybe you just have to trust that you WILL return to running and find solace in that fact. Until then ENJOY YOUR LIFE!

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Marathon #25: The Colorado Marathon, Ft. Collins, 2009

Finish line in Ft. Collins

I never did a race write up for this marathon back in 2009. I'm not sure why. It was and still is one of my favorite marathons, and my mind takes me back there often. Just the other day I found out that a friend's sister was running it next month and I went nuts, explaining what a beautiful course it was and how much fun Ft. Collins was as well.

In 2009 the Storey's were living near Ft. Collins, so our group took this opportunity to come visit them, and for Kathy to knock Colorado off her 50 state quest. There were 6 of us running the marathon, and the rest running the half marathon.

The course looks daunting on paper. You start at 6100 feet and drop over 1350 feet over the course of the marathon. I was nervous because, a: I sometimes have issues with altitude, and b: I sometimes have issues with downhill courses. Yikes! Even so, the course was going to be absolutely gorgeous, as it started in the Roosevelt National Forest and ran through the canyon with the Poudre river at your side all the way down. Around mile 16 you would exit the canyon and make your way to a bike path, which would lead you right into downtown Ft. Collins to the finish line. I just had to take my chances and run it! Ok, so here's to relying on my memory (and photos)...

First of all, downtown Ft. Collins is a blast. Everyone stayed in different places. Toby and I stayed in the historic Armstrong Hotel, which had this cool cat named Oreo that would ride the elevator! They told us not to let him in our room. Yeah right...

Oreo
There wasn't much hoopla concerning the fact that a marathon was taking place, in fact there wasn't even an expo. We picked up our race packets in a hotel lobby. The Storey's made us a big pasta dinner the night before the race. SO NICE!

Early the next morning, long before sunrise, we boarded the buses to the starting line. Even though it was dark for nearly the entire ride you could see giant walls of granite on both sides of you and near the top we started to see snow! Even though it wasn't snowing there was a lot of fresh snow on the ground at the starting line. They booted us off the buses into the cold cold mountain air! We were pretty much out in the elements until the race started.


6 Marathoners: Murgi, Linders, Ken and Linda
Once the race started we all split apart and I'm pretty sure I was the furthest back, cautiously running down at first. There was a lot of camber in the road, so there was some zig zagging going on, but it was just so spectacular! I really wish I had photos of that canyon on that morning with the snow and the morning fog giving way to the sunrise. It was just so so pretty! But man was it COLD! I had on a long sleeved cotton T shirt intended to be tossed after a few miles. I ended up wearing that thing throughout the entire canyon stretch.

We exited the canyon and ran alongside a highway briefly, until they funneled us onto a bike path. Although I'm not a huge fan of bike paths, the scenery was still quite pretty, and finally having spectators was welcome. Kind of...Apparently I was running the same pace as a girl named Ragina, and her enthusiastic family kept appearing with signs, yelling, RUN RAGINA RUN! Did I mention that the name Ragina rhymed with vagina?...Is Larry David anywhere around here?

The crowds grew as we started running into the outskirts of Ft. Collins, which really helped during those last miles, and finally, the finish line in the center of town, where we were all reunited!



Toby and I drove up the canyon to try to capture the course beauty, but pictures will never do it justice. Here are just a few:





I remember succumbing to the altitude and walking on two uphill stretches of the course, otherwise I felt ok throughout the run and afterwards. I didn't think the downhill was that bad on the quads either. My finishing time was 4:01, about 5 minutes slower than normal back then, but I did run cautiously, so I wouldn't say it was a slower course, but I would not consider it a PR course either. Those who ran the half missed out on the majority of the canyon scenery, as their starting line was 13 miles down the canyon, so I'm not so sure I'd recommend running the half.

I just looked on their web site and not a lot has changed, which is good! Do this marathon! Just be prepared for cold weather in that canyon!




Saturday, January 14, 2017

Marathon #24: Virginia Beach Shamrock Marathon, 2009



Luckily I found my race write up that I did shortly after running this marathon. Oh how we look back with rose colored glasses. I had forgotten about those miles of desolation and boredom! Still, even after reading my write up I look back with great fondness for this marathon.
So here it is, my write up from 2009...

I am going to try really hard to make this a short summary, I promise! 

The Va. Beach Shamrock marathon has been on "the list" because I went to high school in Virginia Beach and the course runs along where I used to live and "hang out" as a teenager.

Toby and I flew in on Friday and headed straight to the expo. The usual expo experience. Off to the hotel, nice, oceanfront, facing the finish line on the Boardwalk. Sweet. Later, dinner and a little too much wine. The next morning, so much for sleeping in, since that sweet oceanfront finish was busy with the Saturday 8K finishers...oops.. I warned Toby that there's not much to see and do in Va. Beach, so our tour didn't take very long! Saturday was pretty calm and uneventful, which is what you want the day before a marathon, right?

On race morning Toby left for the 7:00 am half marathon start a few blocks down the road, while I had to wait another full hour for mine. My start was right outside the hotel, so I paced around the hotel room, changing things like sunglasses, no sunglasses, hat, no hat, long sleeve, short sleeve, gloves, mittens, pee, and repeat. I looked out the balcony to the finish line and said "see you soon" and headed out.

The Finish awaits!

I got down to the start and lined myself up with the 3:50 pacer. Couldn't find a 3:51 pacer. (The joke here was that I was consistently running marathons right on the 3:51 mark back then).  The weather was perfect, cold, sunny, and no wind. Great day for a marathon!

And we're off! Before I knew it the 3:50 pace bunny and his little minions were pulling away into the horizon. Mile 1: 8:27 for me, so his split had to have been 8:00 or so. Bad bunny! He corrected himself though, because I caught them around 3-4 and stayed slightly ahead of them then. Around mile 7 we ran right by my old neighborhood.

So many Wadsworth stories...has its own FB page

We even ran along the street that we used to hitchhike to the strip-boardwalk! Yeah I know, we did that years ago...things were different then! 
We headed north, back to the strip, where I saw Toby, as we continued towards the 2nd half that he had just run. I told him a sub-4 is all I'm going to do. No time to chat about his amazing race, which was a 1:25!!!!

Running on the Strip!

At mile 16 we turned off the strip, which was lively, onto a quiet, tree lined road, heading into First Landing State Park. Strangely enough, 30 years ago this park was called Seaside State Park, and memories of being there came back to me. It was a peaceful and pleasant stretch, but it got old and started feeling endless after a couple of miles. Even with funny signs like, "Elevator smells are different for midgets".

At mile 19 I had to make a pee stop. When I came out my pace bunny friend came by, so I glommed on for about a mile. But then I got a side stitch, and lost my will to hold on. Off he went. Low point in the race. The scenery wasn't improving. Those were some really...ugly....miles...Ugh... I am ashamed to admit it, but a band playing music or even some simple bongo drums would have been awesome, heck, give me a little "Eye of the Tiger" out of a boom box, something! As we all shuffled along in silent agony I had that moment where you see the beauty of the marathon. (Not sure where I was going with this thought here, ha). Before too long we were back on the strip with the much needed stimulus of the community.

With less than a mile to go they put us onto the boardwalk for the finish, which was nothing short of spectacular. Truly one of my favorite finishes ever! Time: 3:53:20.

Neptune Statue in Background

Toby quickly found me and I rushed to get cleaned up and checked out of the room before we headed back down to the beer tent. They had a great finish area.


A bit more lively than in the morning!

People were out on the beach in the sun, enjoying the pretty day, telling their war stories. I wonder what I would have said back then, 30 years ago, if someone had said to me that I'd be running a marathon in this very place, 30 years from now. Probably something like, "what are you smoking?"